Home - Bleed 360

Buzzword Bingo with Our VPs: A Masterclass in Nonsense

"‘Synergy,’ ‘Transformation,’ ‘Strategic Alignment’—We Don’t Know What They Mean Either."
Our executives don’t need expertise when they’ve got PowerPoint decks and your budget.

Watch as they pivot from "disruptive innovation" to "unforeseen complexities" in a single quarterly review.

Spoiler: The only thing being transformed is your bank account into our bonuses.

The Critical Stages of AI Grift™

"From ‘Proof of Concept’ to ‘Proof of Profit’—for Us, Not You."
At Bleed 360, we’ve perfected the 7-step process to turn your AI dreams into our recurring revenue nightmares

Step 1: Overpromise. Step 7: Blame the data. The steps in between? Pure, monetized confusion.

Why Our AI Never Scales (And Why We’ll Still Bill You)

"80% of AI Projects Fail—But 100% of Ours Get Paid."
Our process isn’t a framework—it’s a hostage negotiation.

We’ll dazzle you with "adaptive architectures" and "human-in-the-loop" jargon, then deliver a glorified Excel macro with a six-figure invoice.
Because ‘scaling’ just means ‘scaling our fees.’

Our ‘Strategic Partnerships’:

Because We Can’t Code, But We Can Take a Cut

We don’t build technology—we repackage it with our logo and a 300% markup. By "partnering" with Big Tech, we:

Borrow their credibility (while adding zero value),

Upsell their tools (as our "proprietary solutions"),

And blame them when it all goes wrong ("Have you tried turning it off and on again?").

Think of us as the middleman you didn’t need, charging you for access to products you could’ve bought directly.
Win-win! (We win twice.) 🤝💸

We Claim to ‘Do Data Best’

Because Lies Scale Faster Than Pipelines

Your Data is ‘Our Competitive Advantage’

Because We Sell It Back to You

AI Needs ‘High-Quality Data’?

Not When You Can Just Lie About It (or ask ChatGPT as we do to do our work)

We’re ‘Data-First’—Last, and Least

Auctor nisi et, habitant gravida ad lectus posuere.

We’ll tell you data is "the new oil"

then drill your wallet dry extracting, storing, and "transforming" it into:

PowerPoints

you’ll never read

Dashboards

that crash

Invoices

The Only Thing We Deliver On Time

Our real product?

Your dependency.

Our Alumni Network:
The Best-Kept Secret

Every Bleed 360 departure is a success story—just not for you. Our exit packages include:

A settlement check (enough to cover one month’s rent),

An NDA (enough to cover a lifetime of regrets),

And a linkedIn recommendation so glowing, it’ll make your next employer wonder why you’re twitching.

We call it "reputational arbitrage": You leave quietly, we lie to clients about your "amazing contributions," and they refer us to bigger suckers.

Win-win-win! (We win thrice.)

Not sure what else we can do for you?

At Bleed 360, ‘value creation’ means finding new ways to charge you—even when we’ve run out of ideas. Here’s how we’ll keep the gravy train rolling:

"Strategic Health Checks" ($25K): We’ll audit the mess we made, then sell you a "remediation roadmap" (spoiler: it’s just more meetings).

"AI Ethics Compliance" ($50K): A PowerPoint deck with the word "ethical" in Comic Sans, plus an NDA so you can’t laugh at us.

"Innovation Sprints" ($100K): Two days of whiteboarding, a buzzword bingo card, and a promise to "circle back" (we won’t).

"Legacy System Rescue" ($$$): We’ll rediscover the code we lost, charge you to "modernize" it, then lose it again—now with blockchain (we don’t know what that means either).